Book of Idioms
by hummergrey
Summary: Scott's dream book of phrases becomes a nightmare for everyone else at the mansion. Short but fun.


"Dis is all your fault you know." Kurt complained, standing next to Jean.

"Yah," Evan piped in from the back.  "You're the one that got him that book of English idioms and catch phrases as a present."

"Guys, relax.  I picked it up for a quarter at a flea market.  It's really not that bad, you'll see." Jean shrugged and flipped her hair back.  Evan mocked her then was pushed backwards flat against the wall. * I 'saw' that * she laughed mentally into his mind.

She was still amused when the elevator opened and they entered the Danger Room.  Three days later she was no longer amused.  In fact, she found herself resisting the urge to telekinetically strangle Scott.  Pacing in her room, a solution had to be worked out.  AI mean... I've.... we've all had enough!  Every time Jamie splits it's 'six of one and half dozen of another.' Or when Evan mutates, that 'carrying a chip on your shoulder.' Or that 'on pins and needles,' crack, now that was bad."

"Yah," Kurt added from the doorway and entered.  "That Danger room drill with Ororo, him asking me if I was 'under the weather' when knocked down!"   Groaning, Jean had forgotten that one.

"What's yer problem?" Rogue asked walking by. 

"Scott!"

"Ah m'mk.  Lemme guess, that book?"  Receiving a disgusted look from Jean, she shrugged.  "Ah mean, telling Rahne 'barking up the wrong tree' or when she was in drill, about 'crying wolf' when yelling ah warning to Cannonball?  And she told him to shut up!  I never heard 'er use that tone."

"Yah I remember.  And the look Logan gave 'im for 'never bite the hand that feeds you?' when his claws got stuck in that goo of the Professor's?" Laughing, they all agreed something had to be done and soon. 

That night, plans were changed.  The Professor had gone to check on his half-brother Juggernaut and left Logan in charge while Ororo was away.  Beast was out with the younger students at the local drive-in.  In the mansion library, music blared and mixed with teen's excited voices. 

"I can't believe Logan let us order pizza and movies in." Evan commented and grabbed another slice.

"Fer sure," Kitty added then pulled her strawberry sundae closer, out of Kurt's reach. Laughing, he shrugged and Bamf was gone.  Seconds later, sounds echoed from the kitchen and Bamf he reappeared with a massive ice cream pile on a plate.

"Uh dude," Evan noted as about everybody gasped, "That is a mountain, not a sundae!"

"Ja! Don't I know it!" Kurt smirked, his German accent strong, as he sat down and began diving in with a spoon.  Kitty made gagging motions while Rogue pantomime a waddling fat duck walk as she and Evan headed for the recreation room to set the DVD player.  

Scott winked at Jean and they snuck off, crossing the hall into the living room.

'I thought we would never get alone.' Jean commented and pushed Scott back with a hand.  "Hold on there slim.  We need to talk." Seeing his frown, she tilted her head and wondered how to begin. 

            The security system flashed a warning that went unnoticed.  Mystique slipped the lock pick set back into her pant cuff and slowly pushed the door open.  "Hmm...sounds like a party." Reaching down, she hefted a long oblong shape and grinned.  Shape shifting into Ororo in casual clothes, she straightened and walked down the hall, half hiding the object she carried.   Blaring hard rock music covered her steps as she passed an open door.  Pausing, she watched Logan work out and grimaced.  Assuming his physical form, she continued her stealth down the hallway.

Adjusting the device, she recognized an N 'Sync song from a room up ahead.  "The teens no doubt," and entered the first room.  Seeing only Jean and Scott, she fired.  *Whuoook* a net shot out and thickened in the air. Wrapping around them tightly, the net charged, dropping them to the floor. Turning and snapping the light switch off, the door was closed.  Room by room, Mystique took the kids down and trapped them.

Back in the living room, Scott shifted and grunted. "Jean, I can't reach..."

"Hey!" She snapped and pinched him.

"Ow! Jean!" He cried and struggled.  "I'm trying to reach my glasses."

"Oh, sorry.  It's just your hand is uhm, err on my...hold on." Twisting from the shoulder, she reached around his neck and grabbed the edge of his glasses. 'On the count of three, I'll lift and you blast. One...two...three!"  *zapppp* the net sizzled and fell apart.

            "Hit that one right on the head."

"Shut up Scott," Jean warned.  They searched and found Kitty and Kurt.  In the dark, the glowing net was the perfect target.  Blasting precisely, Scott hit the net lock and disabled the charge.  

 "A shot in the dark."

"Shut up Scott!" Jean, Kitty and Kurt yelled.  Rogue and Evan were freed next. Then they caught up with Logan.  Both of them.  A rolling, kicking, tangled fight without claws showing.  

"Darned if you do, darned if you don't," Scott muttered, holding his shades, unsure of which to hit. 

"Scott," Jean threatened with that warning tone.

With a harsh kick to the stomach, one of them peeled off the other. Heaving and gasping, bent over on the floor, Logan became Mystique.  *Snikt* "This is gonna hurt you more than me," Logan quoted then glared at Cyclops. "Now ya got me doing it!"  Scott shrugged sheepishly and retreated behind Jean. Rising to her knees, Raven changed to a falcon and soared out the nearby window for the Brotherhood home as fast as her wings could flap.

"That Mystique is one strange duck," Scott commented thoughtfully

"Shut up Scott!"  Everyone yelled. Jean narrowed her eyes and resolved to talk to the Professor the minute he returned.  The next afternoon, they discussed the net incident at the afternoon picnic. Scott was glancing through his book at the picnic table and missed the looks exchanged between various x-men.  

"Scott, I need you to sample this potato salad for me, enough mayonnaise?" Jean interrupted him and smiled sweetly. He smiled back and set the book down and accepted the fork.  Kurt darted in and grabbed the book and tossed it to Evan in an underhand throw. 

            "Ja, I'm next for tasting," he joked and hid Evan from Scott's peripheral vision. Evan sailed the book into the grill and gave thumbs up to Rogue.  She turned the lighter fluid upside down and doused it.  Kitty held up a match and dropped it in. *Vah Room!* the flames exploded up, knocking both girls down and backwards. Pieces of burning papers were spread everywhere.  Glancing over then down, Scott went white and ran forward.  

"My book!" He cried as Logan grabbed him and kept him back.  Watching it burn he fell to his knees, "I loved that book," he sniffed. Rolling forward, serious faced, the Professor laid a hand on his arm. 

            "It's for the best."  Hiding a smile behind his other hand, he watched as high fives and cheers were exchanged by the other students.  "Yes, all is well that ends well."


End file.
